I just realized how long it has been since my last post. Let me fill you in just a little bit. About two weeks a go I had one of life's mini-revelations and decided that I needed to ponerme las pilas (direct translation: "to put in the batteries," but more realistically translated- I needed to get my $h¡+ together). I am sure that this coincided with a visit from Fr.Cobb from Seattle U. It was such a delight to see him!! And, I desperately needed advising. Right at the start of his trip I found out that the Fulbright Application was due to my school in only 3 weeks! Having planned to apply since freshman year, I started fretting and writing applications to different countries, feeling less than convinced that I really wanted to be going to a developing-recently developed country in Eurasia next year. I also began working on graduate applications for my Masters in Social Work. Fr. Cobb helped me review my essays for the Fulbright and ultimately decide that I should be concentrating on starting graduate school next year and achieving some other academic goals (learning another foreign language, and a European one, finishing a Masters Degree...). After all, I have had my year away from university and am becoming a little antsy about finishing up the next leg of my academic studies.
I was left somewhat disillusioned about applying to a MSW program. I started the applications and will probably finish them and submit them. But I have this gnawing feeling in my stomach, and have even dreamt about why I don't want to stay in the social work field. Am I just intimidated, or do I really NOT want to be a social worker? I am thinking more and more that I just don't want to get an MSW. I had planned to get my MSW and then a degree in International Affairs, but the more I think about seriously pursuing a MSW, the more I realize what I was truly intimidated by were my own aspirations of pursuing a degree in international affiairs. Essentially, I was going to do a MSW, work for a few years to make me qualify for a degree in international affairs. Thanks to support and advice from some dear friends and Fr.Cobb, I am now changing, yet again, to focus my energy on applying to Masters programs in International Affairs. I will need to do some college visits in D.C. when I am home this January. I hope that I will be accepted and that the "down time" in Oregon in the winter will give me time to work on scholarship/fellowship opportunities with the school that chooses me.
This time feels like an exaggerated relived experience of being a senior in high school. Where I feel so ready to move on to something greater and yet I'm not sure that I am "worthy" or "capable" of what my heart desires to do. Similarly to choosing SU amongst the many schools I looked at, there is basically one graduate program that I really want to be accepted to. It would be a big leap for me, but if you don't try and apply, you will never have even the chance of going. So that's my academic life right now.
I have also started to teach at American English Club. I teach intermediate English to high-school/college age students 6 days/week. I like it. It's challenging, especially after a faulty English education (sorry NKN, but it's true!).
I am also participating in a Salsa Seminar on Saturdays and Sundays for the next four weeks. It's fantastic! The maestros are national and international champions, one with training in New York Style. Again, it's a great challenge, but they inspire me to do better, and not just in dancing, but in all areas of life. Dancing sustains me and keeps my spirits up. It will be so hard to leave in December. I must find a dance outlet when I get home. I am improving, and I am enjoying the work- and even my sore feet after hours of dancing days on end.
I have some wonderful girl friends here in Cuerna that are a great consolation to me. It is nice to be able to share experiences with them: to laugh, vent, dance, drink, watch movies, and feel supported by one another. They are fantastic young women and they too encourage me to well, be myself! One of them is a mexicana that operates the women only gym in el centro. She's great! I walked in last week and she lit up at the sight of me. And then noted, "subiste de peso Alysson. Eras la más linda de todas. Que bueno que regresas" (you gained weight Alysson. You were the prettiest of all of all the girls. How good that you have returned). She is working with me, getting me back in training after 6 months out of the gym. I had also forgotten how much I love weight-training! It feels so good. And I just missed Marisol (my fitness instructor) and the nice women at the gym.
All in all, I feel like I am picking up little pieces of myself that somehow had been dropped along the way these 18 months. I don't know how they were stripped by me, other than by life's occupations and my being worn out by school-internship-work commitments. I feel good. I feel that I am not back on a track that I believe in, doing what I love and feeling vibrant and positive about myself and life again. Simultaneously I am also finding new angles and shades of myself. I am definitely poniendome las pilas!