It's 1240am and I'm not quite tired enough to go to sleep yet. I'm in the San Diego airport, on the way home to see my beautiful sister, Mom and Dad, and my true blue best friend KTO. I am excited. I am looking forward to a short respite from work and from Tijuana. I have had a bit of a rough start, so I hope that I can re-center somewhat before returning. It will be off and running at Esperanza when we get back: full of multiple groups up until the 20th anniversary celebration later this month. After PDX I am heading to Seattle for a scholarship internship to study in Finland next year. Seems unrelated, but I could explain if you have time...

I'm finding myself with mixed emotions still about working at Esperanza and my length of stay. Last week was particularly challenging because mi compañera was gone. Me and the guys..ugh! Actually, it was an interesting week. I had several meaningful conversations with the men, one-on-one type conversations to get to know them better and learn more about the foundation and what is going on with the Oaxaca project. It has been interesting to learn about the internal strife in the organization right now. Regardless, I was able to continue building relationships with the technicians, which was very good indeed. It is still difficult for me to interact with my boss sometimes. He is a rather head-strong, won't let you get a word in sort of personality. At the least I will learn about dealing with another sort of personality and become acquainted with different perspectives. At best we will be able to see beyond our differences and work well together (as we should).

I find day to day life in Tijuana somewhat difficult...It is difficult to not have friends in the community. Beyond Esperanza I haven't had the opportunity to meet other people. Socializing is just different here than in Cuernavaca, and I would say it is less favorable to americanas (why am I not surprised?). That is challenging. Besides that, our location is rural, which in some ways is great! It's beautiful and relatively tranquil. Sometimes I just want to go sit in a nice park, or go to a coffee shop, or a bookstore. This is all part of the sacrifice of service, and they are quite petty little things. Luckily I have found a dance academy in TJ that teaches all sorts of Latin dance, so I am hoping that will be a worthwhile endeavor when I return from Seattle. Hopefully I will meet some interesting people and have some stress-relieving, artistic expression, feminine, fun times! It would be nice to feel lady-like a couple times a week, to trade in the cement-splattered clothes for salsa wear! ha!

I was finally able to go out in to the community with a social workers today! It was neat. Two other former Esperanza participants came along also. The four of us went to La Morita community and had a workshop. There were two activities relating to the upcoming 20th anniversary of FEM (Fundación Esperanza de México). They were meant to stimulate reflection on the meaning of Esperanza for the families and the impact of being a part of the extensive Esperanza community. The community members (about 25) all wrote a small poem or note and then painted a picture to portray their sentiments. It was quite lovely. I am hoping to keep edging my way into the social worker's work in the upcoming weeks and months to learn more...

May I just add that I am learning a lot about myself recently...it is fascinating to observe myself in this environment and to notice what is drawn out of me, what are my weaknesses and strengths, and reassessing my principles and priorities. I like it...feels like progress towards a more well-adjusted, authentic life.

Ok, I'm sleepy now. Time to rest before I start studying for the interview again...

un abrazo!

aly