Beyond a First Impression

It has been awhile since I have written. Part of the reason is that I spent the week of Easter in Cuernavaca with Omar and his family. I loved it. It was wonderful to see him and spend time with his family. I had to finish my last essay for winter quarter, which I completed in the zapateria since Omar had to work a few days. But we managed to do fun things: a day drinking micheladas with the fam (cousins and brother) in Tepotzlan, an evening of karaoke and tacos also with the family, evening Easter mass in el centro. On Thursday we visited Xochicalco and Friday las Grutas (the caves of an ancient subterranean river in Guerrero). I am very glad that we were able to spend this time together. I was exhausted after my first to weeks at Esperanza and was happy to rest and replenish my energy in beautiful Cuernavaca. Even though I am no native of Cuerna, I can sense the change in sentiment as the narcotraficante activity heightens. It really is a terribly thing to see such a pleasant city cast in a shadow...

I returned to Tijuana late on Saturday night, about an hour and a half before a group was to arrive. My campañera was in the States, so I would be welcoming them to the posada...but I didn't know that beforehand. I didn't know the procedure, where the keys were, controls for the gate, what to say, etc. Luckily a coworker gave me some advice, so it went off without a hitch-almost. The recent earthquake ruptured an external pipe at the posada, so our water was shut off. nice. After a day of public transport, I just wanted to bathe, but that had to wait. The pipe was patched so we could have water during the week for the group, turned off for a day after they left, and then repaired. It was an interesting feeling, knowing that no water was available. It made me ponder what that would be like: to live day to day not knowing whether or not you would have water to bathe, cook, clean, or drink...

That group came and went and all was well. Mi compañera returned and she and I had about a day and a half working in the field with the boys alone. Another group has already arrived. We spent today working on putting up the walls at one house, and pouring foundations at two other houses. Then mi compañera and I went running, and found ourselves at the house of our gardeners (sisters), who invited us for cafe and chit-chat. I love this about Mexico: warm welcomes and sweet little traditions. We walked in on their Saturday afternoon tradition of cafe and visiting... Later we were invited to dinner with the group, and then we took some out to ice cream. It was a lovely day. I am growing more accustomed to the looooong days, the exhausted feeling at night, sleeping in the truck after finishing up at the worksite, and learning how to give directions for the caravan as we drive through Tijuana. Did I mention that a cricket has taken up a home behind our mini-fridge? There are little things about living here that could be difficult to acclimate to, but I do my best to roll with it...

I'll admit that since I returned from Cuerna I have had some anxiety or doubts about being here-not about the organization, but about my role, responsibilities, and relationships with my coworkers. I have felt somewhat misled about what my work here would consist of. So far, I have only seen the technical (construction) aspect and have not experienced the social work or advocacy aspects. I guess I didn't expect to be doing construction non-stop for the next 9 months. There are other things that I can learn and contribute to the organization to maximize my experience and my contribution to Esperanza. Also, the Machista attitude here and the humor is so different than what I experienced in Cuernavaca. I don't like it...at all. Sometimes the teases and jokes are offensive and so durogatory that I feel disrespected. I actually turned my back on my supervisor this week at one of his comments and left to work at another area. But, we will be in conversation about all of this on Monday, which I look forward to. He reassured me that we will get to know one another so that I can learn and do what I hope to here while still fulfilling the requirements of a long-term volunteer. A lot of my negative sentiments are merely symptoms of adjustment and weakness in my character. I have been reminding myself of my true purpose in being here, which is to give unselfishly and be in communion with mexicanos, and that is helping to lift my spirit. It is likely that I also need to be more assertive here and discuss my needs and desires more clearly and openly. I have just been formulating my thoughts and absorbing a lot of information...

Tomorrow I am builidng again and the current group will be heading back to LA. I hope to catch-up with family and friends sometime this week...

I hope you are well.

Peace,

aly