Just for the Record

Nearing the end of my 9 month journey in Mexico, I´m reflecting on my experiences. This is a list of my "First Times," some of the sights, feelings, and adventures I´ve accumulated since we last saw one another.

I was in Mexico the first time I:

1. lived abroad
2. adopted a cat
3. swam in the Caribbean
4. saw an animal hit by a car up-close
5. removed ticks
6. ran my own class!!
7. kept plants
8. lived in an apartment
9. tanned on a roof
10. saw a sunrise from the roof
11. ran through sugar cane fields
12. saw a dead body
13. drove a truck
14. mixed and poured concrete
15. built a house!!!
16. was robbed
17. gave a salsa performance
18. ate AMAZING mexican food
19. ate brains (of cow)
20. fell in love with used clothing
21. traveled with a boy! Ok, it was a man...
22. joined a dance company
23. used skype ;)
24. kept a blog
25. fui por una emborrachera
26. snuck out of the house early in the morning
27. came home at 3am
28. sat will illiterate people
29. saw a village
30. participated in development projects
31. experienced liberation theology
32. saw a tarantula
33. saw scorpions
34. saw praying mantises
35. tanned so badly that I peeled and blistered
36. spent an entire day on the beach
37. drank cranberry and vodka in the morning-before breakfast even
38. saw viacrusis
39. had a serious relationship
40. had a long distance relationship
41. applied for a Rotary Scholarship, and was denied a Rotary Scholarship
42. celebrated my birthday outside of the U.S.
43. had a Thanksgiving away from family
44. became bicultural and bilingual
45. taught English
46. taught high school and college students
47. saw wild parrots
48. visited pyramids
49. visited a sacred indigenous site
50. bucket bathed
51. decaffeinated ;)
52. found a gym, and an all-women´s gym at that!
53. had gastritis from spicy foods
54. had my own extension at an office
55. was complimented in the streets
56. was asked out-with genuine interest

There are a lot more, but these will have to suffice for now. I think they reflect the breadth of my experiences of Mexico.

love,

aly

I just realized how long it has been since my last post. Let me fill you in just a little bit. About two weeks a go I had one of life's mini-revelations and decided that I needed to ponerme las pilas (direct translation: "to put in the batteries," but more realistically translated- I needed to get my $h¡+ together). I am sure that this coincided with a visit from Fr.Cobb from Seattle U. It was such a delight to see him!! And, I desperately needed advising. Right at the start of his trip I found out that the Fulbright Application was due to my school in only 3 weeks! Having planned to apply since freshman year, I started fretting and writing applications to different countries, feeling less than convinced that I really wanted to be going to a developing-recently developed country in Eurasia next year. I also began working on graduate applications for my Masters in Social Work. Fr. Cobb helped me review my essays for the Fulbright and ultimately decide that I should be concentrating on starting graduate school next year and achieving some other academic goals (learning another foreign language, and a European one, finishing a Masters Degree...). After all, I have had my year away from university and am becoming a little antsy about finishing up the next leg of my academic studies.
I was left somewhat disillusioned about applying to a MSW program. I started the applications and will probably finish them and submit them. But I have this gnawing feeling in my stomach, and have even dreamt about why I don't want to stay in the social work field. Am I just intimidated, or do I really NOT want to be a social worker? I am thinking more and more that I just don't want to get an MSW. I had planned to get my MSW and then a degree in International Affairs, but the more I think about seriously pursuing a MSW, the more I realize what I was truly intimidated by were my own aspirations of pursuing a degree in international affiairs. Essentially, I was going to do a MSW, work for a few years to make me qualify for a degree in international affairs. Thanks to support and advice from some dear friends and Fr.Cobb, I am now changing, yet again, to focus my energy on applying to Masters programs in International Affairs. I will need to do some college visits in D.C. when I am home this January. I hope that I will be accepted and that the "down time" in Oregon in the winter will give me time to work on scholarship/fellowship opportunities with the school that chooses me.
This time feels like an exaggerated relived experience of being a senior in high school. Where I feel so ready to move on to something greater and yet I'm not sure that I am "worthy" or "capable" of what my heart desires to do. Similarly to choosing SU amongst the many schools I looked at, there is basically one graduate program that I really want to be accepted to. It would be a big leap for me, but if you don't try and apply, you will never have even the chance of going. So that's my academic life right now.
I have also started to teach at American English Club. I teach intermediate English to high-school/college age students 6 days/week. I like it. It's challenging, especially after a faulty English education (sorry NKN, but it's true!).
I am also participating in a Salsa Seminar on Saturdays and Sundays for the next four weeks. It's fantastic! The maestros are national and international champions, one with training in New York Style. Again, it's a great challenge, but they inspire me to do better, and not just in dancing, but in all areas of life. Dancing sustains me and keeps my spirits up. It will be so hard to leave in December. I must find a dance outlet when I get home. I am improving, and I am enjoying the work- and even my sore feet after hours of dancing days on end.
I have some wonderful girl friends here in Cuerna that are a great consolation to me. It is nice to be able to share experiences with them: to laugh, vent, dance, drink, watch movies, and feel supported by one another. They are fantastic young women and they too encourage me to well, be myself! One of them is a mexicana that operates the women only gym in el centro. She's great! I walked in last week and she lit up at the sight of me. And then noted, "subiste de peso Alysson. Eras la más linda de todas. Que bueno que regresas" (you gained weight Alysson. You were the prettiest of all of all the girls. How good that you have returned). She is working with me, getting me back in training after 6 months out of the gym. I had also forgotten how much I love weight-training! It feels so good. And I just missed Marisol (my fitness instructor) and the nice women at the gym.
All in all, I feel like I am picking up little pieces of myself that somehow had been dropped along the way these 18 months. I don't know how they were stripped by me, other than by life's occupations and my being worn out by school-internship-work commitments. I feel good. I feel that I am not back on a track that I believe in, doing what I love and feeling vibrant and positive about myself and life again. Simultaneously I am also finding new angles and shades of myself. I am definitely poniendome las pilas!

life of a working girl in mexico

I am currently job searching in Mexico, which entails making phone calls and going out on foot to various schools and asking for interviews. Luckily, I was hired at my first interview at an English school here in Cuernavaca. It´s close to where I live, which is fantastic. I will be teaching upper-intermediate English to junior high age Mexican students. I am looking forward to the challenge! I have always enjoyed teaching and being in the classroom and this will give me an opportunity to share my skills and knowledge for the good of others. It will also help cushion the ding I have put in my savings account the past six months. Working six hours a week I will not be earning much, but enough to cover my salsa lessons! ;) I start training today and working at the end of the month. I also have another interview tomorrow. Hopefully, I will be able to work at least 3/4 time for pay.

Of course I will be working about 25 hours/week at CEMAL still. I think that I will resign from my "internship" at CGCIP. As you have probably noticed, in the past five weeks I have written NOTHING about CGCIP. This is due to the fact that I really do NOTHING there. I sit at a desk or outside updating my blog, chatting on skype (sometimes as my own supervisor chats on MSN messenger next to me), and read books for hours. Most of the time I leave early, bored and frustrated. Remind me again why I am paying $300 to be here with you? Wasn´t I supposed to be doing field work and working with women´s empowerment groups? Well that did not happen. And my needs have changed. So I find it a logical decision to leave. Telling that to my supervisor from CGCIP and my supervisor here at CEMAL will be the greatest challenge in me making a smooth exit from the organization. Wish me luck!

In other news, there´s a tropical storm over the gulf coast of Mexico and it has been raining in Cuernavaca for 3 days straight. I almost lost another shoe to the current in the street last night. I am still sick with something. I have been plagued by a series of colds since I arrived, or am seriously infected and just don´t know it. Now it´s a "snot-nosed cold," as my dad would say, accompanied by stomaches and headaches that coffee and ibuprofen have yet to cure. I wonder what that means...? I sleep for 12 or 14 hours a day for a few days and afterwards I feel better for maybe 2 days. Then the cold morphs into something similarly exhausting and icky feeling, but with a different combination of symptoms. Why am I sharing this? I don´t know. Perhaps just venting, but more than likely I am giving you an honest glimpse of my life now.

Oh, and did I mention that Nena has fleas? Not über-infested, because we only found about 15-20, but enough to make it a problem needing immediate attention yesterday. I missed a day of work to go to the vet, bathe the cat, and pull fleas while I washed all of the linens of the house AGAIN. Dumb cat. Actually, dumb fleas. Yuck. Poor Nena has been quarantined from sleeping with us for now and stays in the living room crying. It makes me feel bad, but fleas in my bed would feel worse!

Well folks. That´s my latest word vomit. There are other things going on...for one thing Fr.Cobb is here taking Spanish courses! and an offer to go to El Salvador, but I have already lost my ability to concentrate. I should also be working.

Hasta Pronto.

Sullivan Scholar Summer Letter 2010

A reflection letter I wrote for the annual Sullivan Scholar Retreat. Traditionally, our community meets before the start of the school year to reflect, share, be in communion. We write summer letters describing our summers as a preparation to receive one another at retreat.


Never in my four years at Seattle U. have I felt so discombobulated when approaching my summer review letter. Usually there is some clarity of thought, some deep reflection to share, or some goal for the future which I can propose to you. At present, these are not readily available. There is no way to summarize the breadth of emotions, the amount of learning or feeling or solidarity that I have experienced since we last saw one another. And I honestly do not think that any could or should be paraphrased. So, let me instead focus on a few life lessons I have learned, both in my internships and my personal (read personal, not romantic!) relationships with a wide variety of individuals during my past 5 months in Mexico.

And maybe it is only on the trail to nowhere-in-particular that you find the most important thing of all. Yourself. –Douglas Wood

If anything I have learned the importance of estar (to be) rather than hacer (to do). Approaching my time in Tijuana I really thought that I would be busy with things “to do.” I went with ideas, plans, and dreams. But instead of leading reflections, planning fundraisers, and writing grants, I was overwhelmed with other responsibilities. I was constructing houses and covered in cement almost every day. I enjoyed the labor for the most part, but there were issues with my male coworkers. I was leading trips to the health clinic, tortilleria, panaderia, playing basketball or praying the rosary with the nuns up the street, camping on the beach, running on the hillsides with Monica (the other long-term volunteer), packing first aid kits, food, water, and supporting my sister through her pregnancy while preparing for the Rotary competition.
In short, I was a mess. But did I learn something? Absolutely. I learned how to estar, because despite how it sounds, I was often put to the side, silenced and bored. I learned how to watch, to learn from experienced technicians and social workers that know so much more than I do about how to create and support social change and the elimination of poverty and violence in their communities. I learned to let go of my mistakes as I stumbled still in Spanish, realized I was practically useless at a construction site, and still couldn’t get through the Creed in Spanish at mass (despite the fact that Moni and I would go almost every morning at 630 with the nuns). I learned to sit through 12 hours of community meetings in one day and to discipline myself to pay attention to minute cultural details, to value relationships over processes. I learned to play with a puppy, to drink café at leisure with a family up the road, to strike up conversations with strangers in passing on the street, to hail the piropos “Güerra!” by flashing the customary peace-sign, to take one minute showers, and how to be in communion with groups that I would only share life with for one week. Estar.

I did not believe in the value of my presence or work at Esperanza until the very end of my stay. I think that this feeling of worthlessness reflects the treatment and lack of consideration of my supervisor. I did not receive the support that I needed, and he in his brokenness and over-burdened state had nothing left to offer me. Those detrimental feelings were the most difficult challenge to overcome. For a type-A, western customed, university educated, white girl from Oregon with dreams of making an impact at least in the community of TJ and Esperanza, the humiliations and acknowledgment that I must sometimes sit still and watch was humbling. I try to think that I did not fail by choosing to leave Tijuana. I try to believe that I simply accepted the fact that the internship was not much of an internship, but a pure service opportunity that was overly demanding of me physically and somewhat toxic to me emotionally.

Thus a spirituality marked by the struggle for liberation can lead to an experience of deep darkness, which will require true humility. It is this humility that enables us to continue in the struggle, even when we see little progress, to be faithful even when we experience only darkness, to stay with the people even when we ourselves feel abandoned. -Henri J M Nouwen

I moved to Cuernavaca in the middle of July. It was NOT an easy transition. I thought I would feel at home here, and I did not. I thought I would feel happy, and I felt desolated. I thought I would feel liberated, and I only felt exhausted. But as the weeks go by, I slowly am putting myself back together. I am staying in touch with loved ones in TJ and building community here. It is a lot of work, and sometimes I want to just give up and become a hermit, but that is not loving; and without loving I am truly lost. I am trying to enjoy what this space has to offer and not feel bitterness about how many streetlights and paved roads there are, at the number of mansions and summer homes, at the lack of solidarity or acknowledgement of the plight of those trapped at the border. I am living in a different reality here, but I guard in my heart the memories, the sentiments, the stalwart promise to care about immigrants and migrants...those on the move and those settled in shacks in Tijuana. I will not forget you.

I swear never to be silent whenever and wherever human lives endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere when human lives are endangered. When human dignity is in jeopardy, that place, at that moment, must become the center of the universe. –Elie Wiesel

I try to apply what I have learned in TJ to my present work in Cuernavaca. I am a volunteer at the school I attended last year: Center for Global Education. I like it very much. I help in the office and make arrangements for travel seminars and semester students. It is a fantastic work environment and my compañeros (coworkers) are great. There are lots of learning opportunities and I have responsibilities as a leader, which I appreciate. I also work in a non-profit organization called Coordinadora de Grupos Culturales Indígenas y Populares (CGCIP). They do a range of activities, workshops, and dialogues around themes of indigenous rights. I participate in those, and I am also conducting an investigation of federal social policies and effectiveness in comparison to the works of CGCIP. I assist with plans and a blog for the International Indigenous Women’s Day event which is coming in November. Oh, and I dance at least four hours a week. I find it a truly liberating pastime. I started dancing (formally!) at age 3 and stopped at 14. There just wasn’t opportunity in Rockaway. I had forgot how alive I feel, and how simply and wonderfully elated it makes me. It’s beautiful, and it is also proving to be a very fantastic way to connect with the community, culture, and make some nice dancer-friends!

Our revolution will have dancing- and excellent food. In the long run, the choice of life over death is too good to resist. –Emma Goldman

My days are always full, but I don’t feel that I accomplish much. And sometimes at my internship in CGCIP there is simply nothing for me to do. So the challenge of estar (being) and no hacer (not doing) is still difficult, conceptually more than anything. It would be an error to think that one is accomplishing nothing in being, if one can be an objective observer, with decent intentions, openness, and willingness to convivir (live together). As a foreigner coming to Mexico as a volunteer to learn from already established organizations and their processes, being is sometimes the most important thing I can do. It helps establish confianza (trust), but also sets aside my privilege, power, and “know it all, fix it all” western/U.S. philosophy to learn from another person and culture, rightfully letting them be the experts.

You are probably striving to build on identity in your work to protect yourself against nothingness, which is not the right use of your work. All the good that you will do will come not from you but from the fact that you have already allowed yourself, in the obedience of faith, to be used by God’s love. Think of this over and gradually you will be free from the need to prove yourself, and you can be more open to the power that will work through you without you knowing it. –Thomas Merton

I am learning to loosen my expectations of myself. I am learning to live with general goals for some sort of future, but without living off of a checklist and without set plans. They are merely dreams, self-improvement projects and adventures that I hope to achieve at some point in my little lifetime. To be, truly be grounded in the present, one must be patient. I am trying to accept that all I might accomplish in a day is running errands, reading a book, and going for walks and dancing salsa. I try to accept myself, as God accepts me for simply being, for being myself, my true self, a loving, generous self. It is neither useless nor sinful to live calmly, peacefully, quietly, slowly. For years I have punished myself for being “selfish” for wanting to just sit still. Now I am finally liberating myself from my own demands and enjoying my presence, giving in to the fact that I cannot change the world alone, or all at once. Patience.

Patience is not waiting passivity until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later, and somewhere else. Let’s be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand. – Henri J M Nouwen

About the future. HA! I know very little. December is creeping up on me. June 2011 when I graduate will come all too quickly. I feel like a freshman in college (no offense) because I keep changing graduate degree programs that I want to do; one day it is social work, then international relations, then law, then international development, or any combination thereof. Currently, I am thinking of going to grad school, PeaceCorps, being a CGE intern, or joining a religious order for my post-graduate plans. I’m exploring options, submitting applications, and seeing what doors open up in the meantime.

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. –Ranier Maria Rilke

What I do know is that I enjoy the slow growth taking place. It is growth, it is undoing, and it is healing. By the end of this year of service, there are many things which I will have learned. But I hope that I will learn how to be ok with al estar (being), and that my essential self will be able to shine through. I hope to be more centered and grounded even if I don’t have any more answers or plans or major accomplishments to share with you. Even if seemingly small changes are taking place within and around me, they are mini-triumphs to be celebrated. I want to learn to be a better human being, and how to be a better leader...

A woman who teaches by being. –Maya Angelou

Enjoy retreat. Enjoy one another. Enjoy yourselves. Welcome to the freshmen and Dr. Andrews. Best wishes to all of you. So far away and yet I still feel the safety net of this community around me. I am so grateful to each of you. Thank you. I hope to see you very soon.

La Paz!

Alysson

a day in the life...in cuerna.

The backside of El Calvario. This church used to mark the entrance to Cuernavaca, but is now part of downtown (el centro).

The barranca (ravine). One of my favorite places in Cuernavaca. They are always cool thanks to the natural phenomenon of thermal inversion that occurs at a nearby small mountain. Warmer west winds hit the mountain, then combine with the cold air and sink closer to the ground where they are channeled through the system of ravines upon which Cuernavaca is built. This helps keep the temperate weather of Cuerna, resulting in its climate and nickname: The city of eternal springtime.

A relatively calm street in el centro (downtown).

Katie and I stopped by to see Omar in the zapateria (shoe store).

Omar in the zapateria.

One section of the market: piñatas, fruit, candies.

In front of the Cathedral of Cuernavaca.

Three other temples fill the four corners of the walled fortress.

"Cathedral of Cuernavaca: Founded by the Fransiscans in the 16th century, Beginning: 1529 Finished: 1552. Titled Patroness 'The Assumption of Mary.' The paintings of the lateral walls of the nave and carried out through the temple, represent the martyrdom of the Mexican Saint: San Felipe de Jesús. It was elevated to the rank of Cathedral of Cuernavaca in the year of 1891."

Inside Catedral, looking toward the altar.

Nena.

She's kind of like a baby in that she's needy and cries a lot. But she's kind of a dog-cat the way she plays, responds to her name, and follows me around.

Did I already post these? I don't know...I've written so many blog entries that have been deleted by lapses in the connection. Anyway, this is me exploding all over our roof-top apartment.

A view of H. Preciado from the rooftop. The other CEMAL house is white, on the left side of the street.

Laundry on the line...covering a spectacular view of the downtown skyline. Sorry.

The scary spiral stairs leading up/down to/from the apartment...I've almost lost my life to them several times.

I decided I needed to shave my legs before Katie and I hiked Tepozteco.

I hope you've enjoyed the photo-chronicles. I finally have my camera though! Now if I could just find the right battery so that I could use it...

See you soon!

life on display.

I was so fortunate to host my best friend Katie in Cuernavaca last week. It was wonderful to be with a confidant and to share a little bit of my life on the other side of the border with someone from back home. We did a lot in 5 short days, and luckily Katie brought a camera so I could share the pictures with you! Here are just a few of the highlights.

Saturday, August 14: On our way to Tepoztlan! It's known as a town of magic and is an area with high energy and was historically a political center.

Me driving to Tepoz. It was fun, but TJ was more exillarating...
At the top of Tepoz, looking at the pyramid of Tepoztec.

The view of Tepoztlan from Tepoztec.

And after a straight up and straight down hike, we refresh with tepoznieve (the ice-cream that is more like gelato. Freshly made and delicious!)

Artwork. The mural at the entrance of the old church in Tepoz is covered in seeds, beans, and rice making an impressive mosaic.

Sunday, August 15: Arriving at Chapultepec Castle in Mexico City. It's a huge park with green areas, botanical gardens, 2-3 museums, a lake with pedal-boats, a zoo, amusement park. We wanted to see the Castle and boats. Then we went on to Avenida Reforma, the Zocalo and Bellas Artes. It was a long day, but a good one.

Posing outside of the Castle overlooking Mexico City.

In one of the gardens at Chapultepec Castle.

The smaller alter in the Catedral.

Another dream come true! I made it to the Catedral in the Zocalo of Mexico City!!

Bellas Artes: A theatre gifted to Mexico from France. It has some fantastic artwork inside...which we were not allowed to go see because it was on the upper floors.

Eating pozole in a market in DF...the Mariachis singing in Plaza Garibaldi outside.

Tuesday, August 17: A trip to Teotihuacan

Pyramid of the Sun

Looking at Pyramid of the Moon from Pyramid of the Sun

Katie and I atop Pyramid of the Sun

Looking at Pyramid of the Moon from the Avenue of the Dead.

Dear Life: You have dealt me a pretty sweet hand.

I am really enjoying my work here at CGE. The staff, all of them, are amazing. I feel much more supported by this community. They are friendly and open, and so inspiring to me. We are becoming more busy as the first groups are arriving, but I am enjoying that. I've had my first responsibilities and leadership roles which is very nice. I also am planning a party for this Saturday! :)

The weather is finally gorgeous and sunny...at least in the days. I have yet to motivate myself for daily jogs, but I am going to start dance classes today, which for some reason seems unimaginable. I still have a little time for reading, and am enjoying my self-imposed homework and research assignments. such a nerd.

I had a wonderful day in Tepotz with mis primas (my cousins) yesterday. The artesan market was there so we enjoyed gazing at the pretty fabrics, jewelry, and handiwork. Of course we enjoyed the delicious nieve and other little goodies there. I am pleased that after eating in the market (which was soooo hot under the large tents, crammed onto little benches around hot stove tops) I was not effected at all really. It's nice to be able to eat like a local.

Oh, and Saturday I did a little shopping for work clothes (construction clothes just aren't going to cut it at my current jobs) and then to the Opera: Bizet's Carmen! It was sooooo beautiful. My friend and I were delighted despite how cramped we were in the balcony. Sometimes I feel like a giant here.

Well, that's the latest scoop. I hope you have a great day!

peace,

aly

Each day gets better and better!

I'm in an interesting place right now...about 4-5 months away from home, but adjusting de nuevo to a new place, community, and two new jobs. I'm feeling more positive about being here in Cuernavaca, now that the initial shock is over. Things are picking up at CEMAL as we prepare for groups and I started at my other job (well, volunteer/internship placement) yesterday. As we know, I like to be busy, and when I'm not I feel a little depressed. So, yay for me! My week of relax is over and it's time to turn up the energy engines again and start building a life here.

I could mention that my days have been a little better since I rescued a kitten last weekend. It had been under a van outside for more than 8 hours, crying, crying, and it was a day of non-stop rain. The car was in front of the house, and I tried to lure her out when I came home at noon with no success. I left, reminding myself that we are not to have pets here and thinking someone else would drag her out. I went outside around 830 that night and she was still crying from the engine of the car! I lured her out with food and took her inside to feed her and let her rest. So now I have a beautiful orange mermelade kitten and I absolutely adore her! She is quite playful and talkative which is really fun...until she chews on my shoes and tries to climb the window screens! Her name is Nena, which is a term of endearment for a girl; it is something like dear or sweety. One of the families in Tijuana had a sweet old cat, I wrote about her previously, named Nena and I decided to name my next kitty equally. I haven't had a pet for so long that it is both an adventure, a challenge, and a pleasure to care for the little furball :) tee hee!

Ok, in other news, I started working at CGIPC (Coordinación de Grupos Indígenas y Populares) yesterday which was fun. I had met with the director on Monday and he seems like both a laid-back and yet active, enthusiastic type of person. Great! Because that's how I roll. Anyway, yesterday I went with a compañera who has been working with them this summer to help at one of the cursos de verano (summer course) in a small pueblo named Barranca Honda. We hopped on a bus to Yuatepec and were soon asleep. Then we took a combi out into the BEAUTIFUL countryside to Barranca Honda. In a small outdoor courtyard we held class for about 30 young kids. I especially enjoyed the location, being as it was a small church dedicated to the Virgen de Guadalupe. The focus of the course is environment, recycling, and art. YAY! Three things I love! I am learning along side of them how to make fun little toys and decorations of recycled materials. Later in the morning, two caballeros (cowboys) with the same age as me rode up to the small tortilleria next to where we were teaching. I mentioned to a coworker that I wanted "to meet the ponies" and she said that if I told them that they would take me for a ride too! A minute later a local señora walked by and asked if I wanted to go up on the horse. As soon as I replied, she whistled them over and they offered me and my compañera a ride. I would have liked to go with them to see there pasture where they keep the cows they were going to milk, but alas I was working. Still, these are all reasons I love working in rural communities and in Latin American countries. There is a different perspective on life, relationships, time, and so much less materialism. I enjoy escaping the Mexico that (in my opinion) has been contaminated by American culture and consumerism in Cuerna and going back to the granja (the farm) where Mexican tradition and the idigenous identity is still so vibrant. I don't know how much I'll be working with the kids, or if I will be doing other projects at CGIPC, but I think that it was a good choice for a placement for me and I look forward to being with them for the next 5 months.

More good news! My best friend Katie is coming in August! I can not wait to see her and share with her some of my beloved Cuernavaca and Mexico. I also helped Fr.Cobb, advisor to the Sullivan Scholars, find a Spanish school here and he will be here for two weeks in September! Yaaaay! Now if only I could convince a blood-family member (since Katie and Cobb I consider to be extended family) to come visit I would be peachy-keen...hint hint!

Well, I have taken up my breakfast time writing to you and should head up to the office.

Peace,

aly

unsettled settling

I think a part of me is in Tijuana still. I wonder if she will ever catch up with me here in Cuernavaca.

I couldn't ask for more than what this week has been for me. I have met with staff here, lolly-gagged around Cuerna, gone on several invigorating walks, slept A LOT, and had time for reading and writing postcards. I even have had conversations with friends and family back home. It's strange for me to have time and space for such. Yesterday I went with the current intern (who was the intern for my class), to Zempaola, a really beautiful national park. I enjoyed being in good company, hiking a little trail, and sitting on a rock bridge, gazing at a lake surrounded in pine trees. It was soothing for me. I also liked riding through some trails on horseback! 35 pesos for 30 minutes...it's a hundred for half that to stroll along the beach of Rosarito. I'm still amazed by how low prices are here.

I would say that my emotional state is still fragile. Like my lungs adjusting to the elevation change I find myself out of breath quickly and at the slightest exercise. So it is for me emotionally...They're adjusting still, processing everything of Tijuana and trying to come to terms with being in Cuernavaca again. A little bit of pressure or fear and I could burst into tears. But when I'm not feeling sad, I feel quite flat-lined. Not that I am not enjoying myself, but like I said...there's some sort of wound or space within me that needs healing and I haven't quite figured out what will help. I guess time will tell.

Off for a day in Amátlan, an indigenous pueblo north of Cuerna. It is feast day of the patron saint: Mary Magdalene. Mass will be good for me...How much do you want to bet that I will burst into hot tears? Pienso que sí...I miss my buddies from Tijuana, and I miss the parroquía and the priest we had. I've already heard several horror stories of uber-conservative priests here, and that could be a problem for me. Everything has changed. And I have to start anew again.

Peace,

aly

back in cuernavaca and casa cemal

"Cualquier esfuerzo para bien produce frutos admirables/Whatever effort for the good produces admirable fruits." Sabiduría 3

Saying goodbye to Esperanza and Tijuana was no easy task. Leaving behind friends that feel more to me like family was heartbreaking. And yet somehow I am propelled to believe that everything is going to be alright, and that I am where I need to be right now.

My first day in Cuerna went well yesterday. Omar picked me up at the airport and brought me home to Casa Verde, where I lived last year as a student here. Driving through DF and to Cuernavaca was utterly bizarre. What I thought would feel familiar to me felt strange and rich! All of the infrastructure so much more developed than that of Tijuana. It doesn't even feel like "Mexico" to me here now. But it is, and that is evident of the diversity of Mexico. Being in Casa Verde was nothing short of surreal. I return so changed, so much older in some ways, and yet aware of my ignorance and youth in others. Despite the hundreds of times I've walked these streets, they feel different to me. But I think I am truly that which is different. I can't exactly name how I have changed though...and it is all a process, isn't it? After some much needed rest after essentially getting no sleep for 2 days, Omar and I went to dinner and ate great seafood! and then went to the balet folklorica (a melangerie of different danzas tipicas-customary dances from different areas of Mexico). It was fantastic, and it brightened my mood a bit.

Today I met with my supervisor and we went for breakfast. It was so lovely to eat a good Mexican breakfast-something I've missed for so long! We talked about CGE, policies, expectations, hours, schedules, etc. and then came back to the school. I went around and made a couple dates with fellow coworkers to have a couple meetings this week and then did some research on the computer. I went downtown for a spell just to get some fresh air and see what there is to see. Cuernavaca doesn't seem to have changed much in a year...

Here I am at home. I was able to chat with mi compañera who is still in Tijuana which was consoling. I'm waiting for another Tijuana friend to come online to chat. I love skype! I also raided our library here at the school and now have a hefty booklist to start cranking through. It is just hard for me to sit still and be alone like this. I like to be active doing things with people. But, I suppose it is kind of like a little retreat this week since I am only working half time and the students haven't showed up yet.

Well, that is pretty much all that I know. I hope you are well.

Peace,

aly

el fin

Well, we have reached the last day of our journey here in Tijuana. Actually, tomorrow is my last full day here. Today is my last day of work though and it feels so awkward. I'm sick to my stomach about it. I feel like I should be excited about Cuernavaca, and yes, I am somewhere deep inside me. But there is a sense of sadness that I just can't shake right now, and it's a feeling of leaving something behind. It hurts. My time with Esperanza has been so challenging in so many ways. I have changed A LOT in the past 4 months. I feel like I arrived so long ago, but like time passed so quickly. And I have learned a lot too. I know it is right that I am moving on to Cuernavaca to work at CEMAL and CGIPC. Surely I will be inspired and find new activities, friends, and of course, challenges. Hopefully I can continue to deepen my faith, to discern my next steps along this path of life, and learn to love more deeply with a heart like Christ's. Part of me is nervous about the transition, about the new tasks, jobs, environments, etc. But part of me is comforted to be going "home" to Cuernavaca- a place I know and love, and a community that knows and loves me...much different from that which I've experienced here in TJ.

I should write more about my work with the social workers, about our escapades with my buddies, the twins, here, or about how I feel about the work of Esperanza now that I know it in a different way. But, I haven't much energy for such reflections. disculpenme. I am going to miss my compañera that has strengthened and encouraged me so much. She has been my constant companion these four months. I am going to miss going to mass here with the nice young priest and his enlightening sermons, and my rosary dates and early morning masses with the nuns. I'll miss the sea breeze and frolicking on the beach. and boy, how I will miss those boys, the twins that Monica and I have had so many fun little outings with, said midnight rosaries on the beach with, baked with and watched soccer with...sigh...I hope I can make new friends and keep those that I have found here. And maybe someday I will return. But I can feel the pages turning, one chapter ending, and one beginning as the story of my life unfolds...and I only wonder what is yet to come..?

Thanks for loving and supporting me during this period of service and learning in Tijuana at Fundación Esperanza.


Love,

aly

Days are winding down for me here at Esperanza. I had a very nice meeting with the director of the organization last Friday and we were able to talk frankly about my experiences and the lack of communication and flow of information between her, the coordinator in Seattle, Eduardo and myself. Of course, she was supportive of my decision to stay until the new volunteers come in two weeks. That's nice because it lets me stay here and then go directly to Cuernavaca where I will arrive the 18th of July and beging working the 19th. I think there is so much to be learned from the time I have spent here, but it will only begin to process once I have left. Funny how sometimes you have to step out of a situation to realize what is really going on. It's hard to leave, I have friends and families here and I do love the organization. At least I know that I will be welcome in the future, and I do hope to someday return to take a look at the foundation from the organizational level (which had been my original intent). I will never say that I "lost" anything from this experience. In fact, my life has been enriched in many unexpected ways and I feel even more settled in who I am and where I am going than I have in such a long time. And, somewhere amongst the list of all my heady plans (those learning goals I set for myself) was that hearty goal of finding a space of peace and feeling myself centered again. God doesn't always give you what you want, but He always gives you what you need.

I had a nice weekend, although I was a little sad not to be celebrating the fourth of July with my family in Oregon. I did have a good day though! I had recovered enough from a terrible stomach flu that attacked me on Friday to feel up to a little day trip to San Diego. I went with a friend of mine, his friend, and his friend's girfriend's family! Did you catch all that? We dropped the girls off at the mall while me and the guys went to Jack in the Box for lunch and Fry's to buy a computer for my bud's brother. Found it, worked-out my technical Spanish vocab translating and got an American flag that we put in the car wind as we left. We dropped off our friend who was taking the girls back to Tijuana and my friend and I went on an adventure to Coronado Island. It was so exciting! The place was tranquil, but packed with people playing in the park and on the beaches, camping out, volleyball, bbq's!! It was comforting to be to be on the US side of the border line for a couple hours on Independence Day. We lolly-gagged around, sipped a coffee and people watched and eventually headed home. I was satisfied with our little adventures, and returned rather blissfully to the Mexico side. I just feel different here, and it's a sentiment I can't yet explain. :)

Well, we have a big week ahead of us and I should go get ready. I'm working solo today and tomorrow with the groups. I hope next week I can work full-time with the social worker since the incoming long-term volunteer will be here.

Much Love.

aly

July what?

It's been so long since I wrote!

Guess you might like an update. I am still in Tijuana. We've had some interesting groups coming every week and that has kept me very, very busy. We go to work at about 830 every morning, leaving the posada to go to whichever worksite we are working at. Lately we've been working in La Morita and El Mariano. If we don't go directly to the site, we start at the Esperanza clinic, or have group meetings for the border talk with Eduardo or to disperse information. Then we work a full day (until 3-5p) and usually have an afternoon activity: visiting the orphanage, Casa Migrante, etc. Then it is time for dinner and me to make an attempt at jogging, then sleep. Repeat. Except some mornings I wake up early to go to mass with the nuns at the convent up the street. I absolutely love praying at their church and have said rosary with them also. It's been a great help to me right now since I feel uneasy about so many things in life. looooooooong days...

It is finally HOT in Tijuana. Working in direct sunlight with no breeze is rough. I have really enjoyed talking with the families though. We had a piñata last weekend, a somewhat regular custom for a group's final day, and a bunch of neighborhood kids came over to join. haha! it was so much fun. I've been nosing into the kitchens more and more as the families and I get to know one another better it isn't strange. Usually we just end up talk-talk-talking about whatever is on our minds...and whatever we are cooking. I am a very fortunate person to have this honor of entering people's lives in such a special way. I have been asking families too about their homes and what they are going to do: what color they want to paint, will they have their own rooms, etc. It is so satisfying to me to see them light up with enthusiasm. That is when I feel the importance of our labor, knowing that dreams are being realized for these families.

In other news, I have been recording a song that a friend of mine wrote for his final project. He is studying architecture at the Ibero (the Jesuit University of Mexico) in Playas and his class has been developing plans for a rural school made of sustainable resources. It is a fascinating project and the song will accompany the presentation of the plans. It is a beautiful song that describes the sentiment of the community where the school is being built and emphasizes the unity of humanity and of la tierra (earth). Of course, I have enjoyed organizing the song with him and recording. His little niece and nephew sang part of the chorus with us also which was fantastic! So far, it has received great reviews from his classmates and the organizations which are supporting and authorizing the project :)

I am deciding an end-date for my work here at Esperanza with the director tomorrow. I am pleased that I have had these extra couple of weeks here though. I have been able to clear my head somewhat and refocus on what I am about and where I hope to go. Another lesson in humility...they never stop. I will be going back to Cuernavaca which is absolutely thrilling to me! I will be working part time doing program administration in the office of CEMAL (spanish acronym for Center for Global Edu. where I studied last year), and half-time as an intern at Coordinación Grupos Indígenas y Populares, a non-profit that works for community organization, social change, and empowerment with indigenous communities in the state of Morelos. I will be travelling, or so I hear, around the state to various communities to participate and even facilitate workshops. There is a particular emphasize on working with women, which I think will be fantastic. I will also be an intern with other local mexicano students which is so exciting to me! I would really like to make some friends, especially since I am proposing to be in Cuerna for 6-7 mos. and will not have my own cohort this time. I will be living in the little apartment above the dorm rooms which is a real dream come true! Wish me the best because I'm taking another leap of faith!

I hope I can write to you more from a more personal level, but I at least wanted to share some recent developments.

Peace,

aly

I attended our weekly meeting yesterday to tell the staff that I would be leaving Esperanza and briefly explained why. I mentioned the difficulties with diabetes and they seemed to understand to the extent they could. I just didn’t know it would be this difficult to control it here. Guess my organism (it’s from a Spanish phrase, it means body) is a bit more sensitive...just like the doctor said! Still, it’s frustrating, but a lesson in humility, a reminder that I am not, in fact, invincible. Only the social workers demonstrated any affect change. And then they invited me to go work with them up until I leave.

I left the meeting feeling as though I did the right thing, but the right thing doesn’t always feel “good” immediately. Someday I hope this decision is affirmed. I do want to be involved with Esperanza and I certainly want to support their work, but not in this way unfortunately.

Still I have not heard much from Cuernavaca, but at this point I feel any opportunity there would be a better fit.

I had a wonderful time in Portland supporting my sister through the birth of her first child- my nephew! It was really an honor to be there, and a very special time for our family. I left abruptly to go to Seattle and prepare for the Rotary interview. I enjoyed visiting the University Club and my mentor was wonderful! A very kind man with many stories and wisdom to share. He was generous to also take me to and from the interview site since it was not convenient to reach from Seattle. I felt very good about this interview, unlike the last. It was more relaxed, but I was also much more prepared and new how to “hold my own” against the questions. I think I left a good impression and the selection should be finished within a couple of weeks.

It was also graduation time at Seattle University. I went straight from my interview to the end-of-the-year Sullivan functions. We had our last round of check-in, shared gratitude for the seniors, and then went to the dinner with the president and provost. Then the seniors went out for drinks and to continue our good-byes. Gosh, it is difficult to summarize how much the program means to me. It cannot be expressed in words. And not know how or when I will see my classmates again is extremely difficult for me. They really are my extended family, who know me and have seen me through very challenging experiences and growth. I miss them dearly.

I should be going, but am cast in a shadow of nostalgia. Funny how feeling the changes can put me into a strange reflective lull...

Take good care.

aly

the party at Esperanza went really well. We had a good showing and it was really amazing to see community members from all over Tijuana in one spot sharing a celebration. We recognized our staff and special community leaders. Several long-term volunteers (like me!) also returned, and it was nice to hear more about their experiences with Esperanza, why they stay involved, and to feel their support while I am serving Esperanza.

The week after I still worked with the construction crew. We had one of our most devout groups from Seattle visiting to work, so I wanted to spend some time with them. They were really fun, but I still feel myself yearning for something... I find myself in the bucket line passing dirt and feeling so incredibly bored. I guess I am the type of person that needs some intellectual stimulation, because I find myself anxious and frusterated at times, wishing I were learning something or applying myself more. I know service is different, but this is the same issue I have in the social work field. I don't feel intellectually challenged, or not in the right way, or not enough, I'm not really sure. I just know that I feel something is missing from my experience with Esperanza. And I honestly don't know how other volunteers have kept themselves amused for such long periods of time...Man, I feel like a snob writing this!

As I have said before, I feel a lot of barriers to becoming part of a community or friend circle here in Tijuana. I feel as though I would have a difficult time finding like-minded companions also, that felt the same pull to social justice and international affairs, etc. I feel lonely a lot, and I also feel that I am not reaching my goals here at Esperanza. Yes, I truly believe in the work of the organization, but I do wonder whether or not I am the right sort of volunteer. Or maybe timing was just not in-sync. Or maybe I just expected something different than what this position really is, and I believe that is true.

I have been offered a position working part-time at CEMAL where I went to school last year in Cuernavaca as a program assistant. I will also be interning at a local organization, where I hope I can really contribute something to the organization or at least participate directly with what they do. I think I will accept it, although I feel in some ways that I am betraying Esperanza in leaving early. The truth is, beyond all my frustration with the work, I have not been able to maintain control of my diabetes here because of the schedule, the food, the lack of time for exercise, lack of sleep, and I honestly can't sacrifice my health anymore. For years I have put aside concern for my diabetes to maintain a heavy school/work load, and it simply must end. I didn't expect the work to be so hard on my body, and as a diabetic, I have to be especially careful. Long days standing, dirty cuts, bruises, etc. are all more difficult for a diabetic body to handle, and I am becoming acutely aware of that. It makes me feel old that my legs ache, my feet swell, and it scares me that my cuts take over a week to heal and that my blood sugars are so up and down. I have made plenty of excuses in the past for not caring for myself, but they have expired. It is a lesson in humility for me to realize as an adult with diabetes that there are certain limitations to what I will be able to do as far as a career or lifestyle is concerned. I like to think I can brave anything, survive anything, go anywhere without a care in the world, but that is ignorance and denial speaking. It simply is not realistic for me to stay in that mindset. I see my decision to leave Esperanza somewhat humiliating, but humiliation brings humility, and I need to be humbled to the reality that I am diabetic and always will be, and to accept the implications of that.

I will be leaving Esperanza in late June to begin an internship in Cuernavaca in July. I don't know how the agency will react to my decision. I only left a job once, but I feel like such a loser for leaving in the height of summer. I do believe that this is a wise decision. I would be happy to hear your comments about it.

Love,

aly

Baby, I love your way: good song.

What can I say? A lot has happened in the past week, day, hour...

Esperanza is gearing up for the big party. I really don't have time to be writing this because I need to be working in 9 minutes and I'm still in pajamas, but here I am. Today is the 20th anniversary party and we are expecting about 300 people: group leaders, staff, the board members, and families, families, and more families. We have been working non-stop the past couple of days preparing- cleaning, moving gravel, painting parking stripes, table set-up, painting, making a photo gallery, a video, a huge mural of artwork from the family. We have also been using the week for various meetings, brainstorming session and as a retreat for all the Esperanza leadership teams. In summary, we've been busy and today we finally celebrate! Yay! 20 years of changing lives.

For me personally, a lot has been going on too. First of all, I REALLY miss my sister. I want to be home with her!! One week and I will be, I hope I get to meet my nephew. As for Esperanza, I met with both the director and my supervisor to express my concerns. I will be moving into the office to work with the lead social worker. I have been spending more time with the women, helping them with projects for the party, and I love it. I laughed yesterday!! I mean, I really really laughed with them! And it surprised me because I don't remember the last time I laughed here- that was rather bittersweet to realize. So, I look forward to working in the community with them. My supervisor was upset that I hadn't expressed concerns earlier, and yes, that's my fault. It's a learning process for me though-learning how to express my needs I suppose. However, even though my situation here might improve, I also met with someone from CEMAL this week and was offered a part-time position as a staff member/RA beginning in July/August. Plus, I would have a part-time internship in a local NGO in Cuernavaca! Ah! It sounds soooo promising and like exactly what I want. It is hard to decide whether or not I want to stay here and try make things better, or if I should return to what I know I love and be in Cuernavaca where I have more opportunities to learn and be challenged in various ways. Pues, a ver que decido, we'll see what I decide, but I need to decide relatively soon.

Also, there have been some expressed concern about my Rotary application and that is especially stressful for me. It is hard to be so far away and so busy with life here and yet trying to put energy into that project. Luckily I have some great advocates and support at SU! After this party, I will be buckling down on that until my interview in just two weeks!!!

Hope you are well.

PEACE,

aly

dreaming with a broken heart...

This will not answer the question "what have you been up to in Tijuana?" I simply wish to express how I have been feeling lately. I miss Cuernavaca. I find myself daydreaming about how rich and full my life was there, and how much I wish I could get back to that space, that being. I just can't seem to find it when I am away from Cuerna. Not to say that I don't like being in Tijuana, but life here is difficult. In Cuerna, yes, life is difficult, but there is an air being carefree, positive, and socially concerned. What I have learned is that, as to be expected, is that Tijuana is complicated. It's stuck between third world and first world and ridden with social and ethnic problems because of that. For me, I miss being able to walk the streets and feel secure. I miss the coffee shops and the big mercado, and even the over-crowded sidewalks. Here in La Gloria, there isn't a lot of movement and it feels kind of depressed, and there is no art, no cafe, no mercado, no amusement but the soccer field that I run around...almost daily. Perhaps I am a bit of a city girl. I just feel intellectually dull here...like I've already learned all that I possible could have and now it is up to me to make my stay interesting. What I know about Cuerna is that there are active communities that are interested in things that I am, that would invite me to participate: liberation theology groups, salsa classes, my host family, social change groups, etc. I'm bored here, and that is not good. I'm too active of a person to do the same thing day in and day out when it is not intellectually challenging (or at least stimulating!). Then again, maybe it is good that I am identifying what I want/don't want. Maybe development isn't for me and I should stick to policy/advocacy! haha! I am trying to learn from all of this, not run from the strange feelings I have here, but try to decipher them so that they guide me in the future. Such is life I suppose.

Cheers!

aly

Everyone is a-buzz about the upcoming 20th anniversary celebration at Esperanza. Guests are showing up as early as this Sunday, even though the celebration is on the 22nd. We stayed at the posada today to work in the garden. I never thought I would be pulling weeds, listening to reggae, and working on my tan in Tijuana. Later, we were charged with making a small stage for the speakers- well, the technicians made the stage and mi compañera and I painted it. I think it turned out well. I had another long talk with my supervisor after work today over a 12-pack of Sol (don't worry, we hardly made a dent in it). It is interesting to hear his perspectives about all of the changes going on in the foundation right now, both in the office and with the volunteers. He shares with me that all of the team is feeling the stress of the lack of volunteers, not only because we can do less work for the community, but because it could eventually threaten their positions or salaries. But he also has some insight into how the supervision could be improved and how the workers could be more efficient. We talked about my paisanos (country-men) and how they are afraid of the alleged violence in Tijuana. Ok, I'm not going to deny that there is violence and you do need to be alert and appropriate here. It is just difficult to believe that we could lose our patronage so quickly because of fear generated by the media and some government organizations. "Maybe they just don't want to come to Tijuana anymore, and the "violence" is just another reason to find a different service opportunity...I don't know. But I do know that we are scared that Esperanza will end." Let us not lose hope, que no perdamos esperanza.

I went jogging and now I am home. The roses are in full-bloom now and the birds are singing. I'm reading a great book: The Faith Revealed, by Tesse. I suggest it to any Christian or non-Christian interested in some simple explanations to great ideas of the Christian theology. It's quite peaceful here in La Gloria. On my jog I met a small herd of horses up on the hill, and I took a moment to just enjoy the beauty of the earth and sky and feel myself being present here. It was lovely.

May your heart know peace,

aly

Home Again, Home Again

It was so refreshing to be amongst family and friends last week. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with family in Portland, and then being with some of my best friends in Seattle. It was a necessary break from the work here and the recent stress regarding the decision to stay or go from Esperanza. I received a lot of affirmation in advocating for myself and accepting that I may have jumped the gun, or got into something without fully knowing what it was. The ongoing tension between the US and Mexico however has really taken its toll on our (the long-term volunteers) work/role here at Esperanza. The other long-term volunteer and I sometimes ponder what we thought it would be like, should be like, and what it is. Instead of a steady-stream of summer groups, we have a full 5 weeks without any group...And they continue to cancel, postpone, or reduce numbers to a mere 6 people strong. *sigh* There is less enthusiasm for work here without groups, but the work continues regardless. Needless to say, as long-term volunteers we expected to be busy and tending to the needs of groups, giving directions, leading excursions, etc. Instead we work until the afternoon and then have hours of free-time. Yes, any service is good, all charity and acts of love are fruitful and not a wasted endeavor. Personally, I feel that I can learn more by taking up a different service opportunity for the second half of my year-off from school, and that is what I am pursuing.

Let me tell you though, our work here is precious, and so are the community members. We have been working at one house just down the street from Esperanza. The woman is so kind and friendly, offering us food to ake home, little keychains embellished with a saint's portrait, and an overall fun person to be around. I am so proud of the work of Esperanza, making people's dreams come true. But every rose has it's thorn. I sat in the most awkward meeting yesterday. The social workers who had just returned from (another) 2-week trip from Oaxaca were talking about how beautiful Oaxaca and the people are, and how they hope the technicians can go see it, etc. etc. The technicians have yet to be convinced that this Oaxaca project is really where the energy of Esperanza should be placed when there is such a great need in Tijuana, and when Esperanza in Tijuana has unfinished projects and inadequate tools due to short resources...hmmm...It is sometimes difficult to be a neutral bystander in these meetings when the social workers and technicians seem pitted against one another and when Idefinitely have my own opinion.

Other than this, I am enjoying having time to cook nutritious food, sleep, exercise, and read. The sun is finally shining, the birds are singing, and I think it is time for me to go for a run.

Best Wishes!

aly

It's 1240am and I'm not quite tired enough to go to sleep yet. I'm in the San Diego airport, on the way home to see my beautiful sister, Mom and Dad, and my true blue best friend KTO. I am excited. I am looking forward to a short respite from work and from Tijuana. I have had a bit of a rough start, so I hope that I can re-center somewhat before returning. It will be off and running at Esperanza when we get back: full of multiple groups up until the 20th anniversary celebration later this month. After PDX I am heading to Seattle for a scholarship internship to study in Finland next year. Seems unrelated, but I could explain if you have time...

I'm finding myself with mixed emotions still about working at Esperanza and my length of stay. Last week was particularly challenging because mi compañera was gone. Me and the guys..ugh! Actually, it was an interesting week. I had several meaningful conversations with the men, one-on-one type conversations to get to know them better and learn more about the foundation and what is going on with the Oaxaca project. It has been interesting to learn about the internal strife in the organization right now. Regardless, I was able to continue building relationships with the technicians, which was very good indeed. It is still difficult for me to interact with my boss sometimes. He is a rather head-strong, won't let you get a word in sort of personality. At the least I will learn about dealing with another sort of personality and become acquainted with different perspectives. At best we will be able to see beyond our differences and work well together (as we should).

I find day to day life in Tijuana somewhat difficult...It is difficult to not have friends in the community. Beyond Esperanza I haven't had the opportunity to meet other people. Socializing is just different here than in Cuernavaca, and I would say it is less favorable to americanas (why am I not surprised?). That is challenging. Besides that, our location is rural, which in some ways is great! It's beautiful and relatively tranquil. Sometimes I just want to go sit in a nice park, or go to a coffee shop, or a bookstore. This is all part of the sacrifice of service, and they are quite petty little things. Luckily I have found a dance academy in TJ that teaches all sorts of Latin dance, so I am hoping that will be a worthwhile endeavor when I return from Seattle. Hopefully I will meet some interesting people and have some stress-relieving, artistic expression, feminine, fun times! It would be nice to feel lady-like a couple times a week, to trade in the cement-splattered clothes for salsa wear! ha!

I was finally able to go out in to the community with a social workers today! It was neat. Two other former Esperanza participants came along also. The four of us went to La Morita community and had a workshop. There were two activities relating to the upcoming 20th anniversary of FEM (Fundación Esperanza de México). They were meant to stimulate reflection on the meaning of Esperanza for the families and the impact of being a part of the extensive Esperanza community. The community members (about 25) all wrote a small poem or note and then painted a picture to portray their sentiments. It was quite lovely. I am hoping to keep edging my way into the social worker's work in the upcoming weeks and months to learn more...

May I just add that I am learning a lot about myself recently...it is fascinating to observe myself in this environment and to notice what is drawn out of me, what are my weaknesses and strengths, and reassessing my principles and priorities. I like it...feels like progress towards a more well-adjusted, authentic life.

Ok, I'm sleepy now. Time to rest before I start studying for the interview again...

un abrazo!

aly